I am pleased to introduce my first guest post written by Axel. He makes some very valid points and I am grateful for his contribution. If you’d like to contact him directly, please use the contact form at the bottom of this post. Thanks again Axel.
Society annoys me sometimes. Growing up, I was taught to always question things and follow the beat of my own drum. I like to think deep into why I would do something, and many times, I don’t like the rules that society puts forth for us. One of them, for example, is the topic of anal sex being the “default” gay sex.
I’m not the type of guy who goes out just to have sex just for fun. To me, sex is about intimacy. Of course I believe sex should be fun, but the fun comes when you’re doing it with someone you love. I guess my definition of sex is that it is about bonding with someone, and what bonding means to me is not about labels and positions; it’s about both partners being equal. However, what bonding means to someone varies from person to person. Many people consider bonding to be penetration, and for some other people, it’s something else.
When a man and woman have sex, the way they have sex is through penetration. But the penetration they go through is something different. Even though it may seem that one is giving and the other is receiving, it is quite the contrary. Both partners are giving “and” receiving. Since both are using their genital organs, I assume that the feeling and pleasure both partners receive is mutual. So to me, that is a bonding experience.
Love is so incredibly powerful, so powerful that it ignores gender. Other animals, I believe, aren’t capable of the type of love humans possess, therefore for them, they have sex to multiply and/or for pleasure. As humans, we are capable of loving whoever we want, regardless of gender. I believe that what makes someone straight, gay, or bisexual is what they prefer and find more attractive, therefore, that is what they go searching for for a relationship (and I believe we are born that way). But we have two admit, “technically”, the bodies of two men don’t really “fit” the way a straight couple would. So, since many people believe that to have sex two people must “fit” (penetrate), they look for a hole in a man and then have sex there. Well, using that logic, isn’t a mouth a hole, so wouldn’t oral “technically” be penetration? But the anus is more “tight” than a mouth, making sex more pleasurable, so in this case, I think, pleasure overcomes the bonding.
What I’m going to explain next is just a theory, so correct me if I’m wrong. Everyone is exposed to porn when they hit puberty and are starting to explore and understand what sex is. They see porn as kind of a reference on how to have sex. Since gay and bisexual men are exposed to gay porn, they see that the way to men have sex is by anal penetration, therefore, they think that is the “real” way two men have sex. But gay porn is mostly gay-for-pay, so the actors kind of want to have something similar to straight sex. I hope this doesn’t come out as sounding offense, but that is a reason why I see anal sex as kind of a “replicated” straight sex. I would think that two men who have sex with each other would want to have something completely different that how straight couples have sex.
Men and women both have genital organs, and the genital organs are what we use to have sex. It’s easy for men and woman to have sex because, like I said before, their genital organs were made to complement each other. Even though two men wouldn’t “fit” the same way a straight couple would, I still believe that they can “fit” in a different way, without that penetration, and both using their genital organs together. Unfortunately, what I’m talking about, most just consider it foreplay and call it “frottage”. I hate calling it a name because I see it as the ultimate way two men can have sex with each other. Both men are feeling the same experience, being face to face, and being equal. To me, that true bonding experience comes when you know that your partner is feeling exactly what you’re feeling, and that equality is the most beautiful thing I feel two people can share. The same applies to lesbian couples.
Here’s how I think: What is straight sex called? It’s just called sex, or straight sex, right? Now, what is gay sex called? Well, most people like to say its anal sex. But to me, anal sex is, well, anal sex. Anal sex can be performed by a straight couple as well. I feel that what makes straight sex so beautiful is that it is only something that can be performed by a straight couple. I feel that the same logic should be applied to gay sex. I feel gay sex should be its own beautiful and special experience by it being something that only two men can do. If a man and a woman can also do anal sex, then that kind of takes away the “special” aspect of anal sex. Therefore, in my opinion, I see anal sex the same as any other sexual act that any couple can have, such as oral and hand jobs.
Anal sex feels really good, of course. For most people, I think, being top feels the best. For other people, bottoming feels good too. I think most people are looking forward to being a top because it is what stimulates their sexual organ. When someone bottoms, their genital organs are not being stimulated, so the hands are sometimes needed to organism for them. Many would probably argue that the prostate is a genital organ and it is being stimulated. The prostate is a sexual organ, but it’s inside the body for a reason, and I don’t think it’s meant to be touched. So if two men are together, one has to usually sacrifice and be the bottom. For people who enjoy the bottoming experience, they wouldn’t see that as a sacrifice. But the main issue I have with that, though, is that even though bottoming may feel good for a person, that pleasure they’re feeling is different from the pleasure that the top is feeling. Therefore, in my view of things, that’s not a true bonding experience because the two partners are feeling something different.
And here are my last remarks on the issue. Why would something that some people have a preference for, or something that physically hurts or bothers them, be what’s the norm in sex? Why would something that takes preparation and sometimes requires the use of outside materials (such as lube) be what is considered true sex? I am in no way against anal sex. In fact, I think everyone should try it. As for people who enjoy that as their main form as sex, that is totally up to them, as long as both people feel happy and comfortable with each other. As for me, as I stated earlier, I consider it a form of foreplay, but since it requires preparation, I would maybe only do it once or twice every month or so, or what ever my partner and I agree on. For me, to have anal, I need that equality aspect to it, so we would have to agree that we take turns and switch, same as we would for oral.
So, that’s pretty much everything I think about the issue. Sorry for getting so detailed and specific. I really hope I didn’t come off as a preachy and a crazy guy. I guess my beliefs on this issue branch out from being bi. Pretty much, if I’m with a woman, I want to have sex the way a man and woman would have sex, and if I’m with a man, I want to have sex in a different way than I would with a woman and have it be something special and unique, as stated before.
I’m an extremely open-minded guy, and I love hearing people’s opinions on things. If you think I’m out of line or I’m not making sense in the things I said, I’m totally open to a calm conversation.
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